Friday, November 25, 2005

Make Tulsa Weird

Sublimal religious icon on Tulsa's public right-of-way?
Got Condom?
Cheesecake factory on Harvard.
Reserved parking for Tulsa's richest family.
Everybody needs a helping hand every now and then. Broken-down United Way bus getting a lift. Downtown Tulsa
More new jobs for Tulsa.
Dude guarding the White Rose on 11th Street.
Billboard. Downtown Tulsa.
Inspired by our astute partners-in-crime, The Other Side Of Thought, and Keep Austin Weird, Make Tulsa Weird campaign chronicles all things in Weird Tulsa.

Do you have an idea to make Tulsa weird? Post it here. We'll help you! In fact, we'll bring a film crew too. tulsaindygazetter(AT)yahoo(Dot)com.

UPDATE--26 NOV 2005:.

Beginning Monday, 28 November 2005, Tulsa Indy Gazetters will fan out across Tulsa with the Oklahoma State flag, bearing this message: Merry Christmas, Mr. Hussein. We will ask Tulsa citizens to sign the flag. On 18 December 2005, we will send the flag to Saddam Hussein in Bagdad Abu Ghrib Prison.

On Christmas Eve, TIG invites Tulsans to join Santa at our branch office at the 41st Street Panera Bakery to send Saddam Hussein Christmas greetings on Yahoo Messenger ID: TulsaIndyGazetter. Webcast begins at 12 noon, CDT, GMT -6.

Though we realize it is Christmas Eve, not Halloween, TIG encourages webcast participants be in costume. In association with Section 8 FilmWorx, a short film will be produced for later webstreams. Why? Because it's Christmas. In life, we be bad. In hell, we repent.

Mr. Paul Nichols, immortalized as the first signer of Oklahoma's Christmas card to Mr. Hussein. Vistor to our South Tulsa Branch office. Howdy, neighbor!

Thank you for pitching a dollar for the postage fund! We wish you lots of "up's" for the rest of the year!

UPDATE: 23 DEC 2005--The Christmas card for Mr. Hussein was quietly mailed from the 51st and Sheridan USPS station at 1120. It was addressed to The Honorable Saddam Hussein, Baghdad County Correctional Facility, BCCF, Baghdad, IRAQ. According to the postal clerk, it should be there in two weeks.

We have many mixed feelings about the Christmas card leaving our possession. It has been a part of our lives for sometime. Not a day went by that we did not think of Mr. Hussein and we have been keeping up with the trial, mostly while multitasking in the bathroom.

The Christmas card will do one of three things. It might return, unable to deliver. The security situation for Iraq postal workers must be unbelievable. FedEx wanted to charge $80 USD for air priority. They said that's the only way they'll send it. We said "Adios, we'll find another way."

It might actually get to Mr. Hussein. Or, it might disappear into the Postal Zone. Who knows? Wish the Christmas card lotsa luck in reaching its destination.

As of this post, the trial of Mr. Hussein is on hiatus for 30 days. Mr. Hussein's defense seems to be stalling for time. Livin' another day. The Rare Earth tune comes to mind.

UPDATE: 5 DEC 2005

When Santa Attacks!--A horde of Santas on bicycles invaded Tulsa streets and highways this morning during rush hour. Eyewitness, police scanner, and radio traffic reports indicate Santas were spotted across Tulsa, as far south as 101st and Memorial, as far north as Cherokee Industrial Park, as far west as Riverside Dr., and as far east as the airport.

At approximately 0750, KRMG reported a Santa sighting on the westbound Broken Arrow Expressway between Harvard and Yale. At about 0830, traffic reporter John Filbeck indicated traffic on the B.A. was back up 5 miles from the Utica exit on the west to approximately 129th East Ave.

There was some speculation on the legality of bicycling on the expressways. KRMG devoted a total of seven minutes on the story.

To contain and control the Santa invasion, Tulsa Police dispatched several units from the same crack squad that broke up a Nazi terrorist plot in Downtown Tulsa last month. One unit was even pulled off from arresting a TU football player caught violating Tulsa Revised Ordinance Chapter 27 Section 1213.

From scanner reports, a TPD unit stopped a Santa on the westbound Broken Arrow Expressway, at the Utica exit.

Eyewitnesses report that Santa had his arm in the air, waving wildly at the mass of drivers stuck in the traffic jam. Apparently, Santa was promoting a radio station. A sign on the back of the bicycle says, "460-KRMG LIVE." As of 30 November, KRMG is rated number 2 in the Tulsa market, with a 6.9 share, almost a full point behind KWEN, another Cox property.

Unnamed sources inside Cox Radio, the owner of KRMG, indicated a Santa was seen in the lobby last Monday, with an appointment to see Joe Kelly, the morning drive host. A Tulsa Indy e-mail requesting information about the meeting has thus far been unanswered.

At approximately 0845 on the scanner, Tulsa Police officer, badge ID 1525, of the Uniform Divison Southwest nabbed another Santa on Riverside Drive. Court records indicate Santa was charged with Tulsa Revised Ordinance Title 37 Section 1107.

As listed on court records, the violation is "Fail to use 2 hands." Further facts supporting criminal charge, "Dressed as Santa Riding On Street w/ Hands In The Air." The listed fine is $45. Efforts to contact Division Commander Rod Hummel and Officer 1525 has been unsuccessful.

UPDATE: 5 DEC 2005, 1600--City of Tulsa vs. Santa Claus, #5242623, set for trial, 5 January 2006, 1400, Tulsa Municipal Court, Division I.

Post your reactions and speculations here.

SantaWatch: LiveJournal

7 DEC 2005, 0825---KRMG reported a Santa sighting westbound on the B.A.

8 DEC 2005, 0900---Eyewitness report Santa northbound Riverside Dr. at 71st.

12 DEC 2005, 0845---KRMG reports Tulsa Police arrested Santa on the westbound BA, Sheridan exit.

UPDATE--7 DEC 2005:

Not really that weird. But, Clayton Coss is famous for turning ugly looking tree stumps into kewl yard art.

UPDATE: 14 DEC 2005---Do The Dirty, Not The Two.
Recently, Urban Tulsa Weekly reported on how local TV news are scaring the flimsy pants off their viewers. Shooting d'jour, bugs in cafeteria food, and HIV-infected needles in the neighborhoods.

According to UTW, the worst of the lot is KJRH, Channel 2. We will soon find out their viewership share, compared to 6, 8, and Faux. From the looks of their choice of sensationalized stories, they seem to be desperate, cheap, and in last place. Though Tulsa Beacon reports the November Neilsen's puts them at numero uno.

As part of Make Tulsa Weird, let's put them out their misery. At 5, 6, and 10, hit the "off" on the remote. Instead of watching the paint dry on the ceiling, do the dirty, make love, fuck. If you don't have a partner, do it to yourself until you go blind and can't watch TV.

Do you have an idea on how to measure "Do The Dirty, Not The Two," like the Nielsen ratings? Let's hear them here.

UPDATE: 16 DEC 2005--More Intelligent Design

68th and Memorial. AmeriPenguin.

From the Holy Bubba, Book of Bonehead:
In the beginning, or sometime around 1776, Penguin created America and a third-rate, third-world country called Burma, now called Myanmar, sometime around 1949.
And America was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of Penguin moved into the hallowed grounds of the Congress of the United States.
And Penguin said, Let there be a tea party: and there was a tea party.
And Penguin saw the tea party, that it was good: and Penguin divided the insurgents from the turncoats.
And Penguin called the insurgents Patriots, and the turncoats Benedict Arnolds.
And the Patriots and the Benedict Arnolds were the first combatants on the Great War of the American Revolution.
And Penguin said, Let there be Free Speech in the midst of the Revolution, and let it divide the First Amenedment from the Second Amendment, the Third Amendment, and so forth.
And Congress made the U.S. Constitution, and divided the Bill of Rights which were under the U.S. Constitution from the Declaration of Independence which were above the U.S. Constitution: and it was so.
And Penguin called the First Amendment the right of all Americans to offend. And the Second Amendment were the right of all Americans to shoot and kill any dumbass who don't agree with the First Amendment.
And Penguin said, Let the Amendments under the Bill of Rights be gathered together unto one place, and let the Great Age of Enlightment, the United States of America appear: and it was so.
And Penguin called the Amendments the Bill of Rights; and the gathering together of the Bill of Rights the U.S. Constitution: and Penguin saw that it was good.
And Penguin said, Let the United States of America bring forth the right to speak freely, the right to offend, and the right to shoot and kill any dumbass who disagree: and it was so.
And America brought forth great freedoms envied the world over, and yeilding great personages such as Rosa Parks, Fred Korematsu, and Martin Luther King, Jr. and even village idiots such as Paul Tay: and Penguin saw that it was good.
Since all was good, Penguin rests on the third day, beating out God who needed six days to do his thing.

And, what about Myanmar? Did you really want to hear about a third-world, third-rate country run by a egomaniac despot? We thought not.

UPDATE: 17 DEC 2005---A Prayer For Free Speech

Our Free Speech Penguin, who art in Tulsa and the United States Constitution,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done,
In Tulsa as it is in San Francisco, L.A., Seattle, or Bugtussle, Mississippi.
Give us this day our daily Free Speech.
And forgive us our offensive,
As we forgive those who offend against us.
And lead us not into censorship,
But deliver us from the Speech Nazis and the FCC.
For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever.
Or at least until the next nuke explodes.

UPDATE: 24 DEC 2005---99 cent Biscuit and Gravy. Exit 41st on Riverside. Not really that weird, except this is actually a business on the banks of the Arkansas River, in Tulsa!

UPDATE: 24 DEC 2005---
More Santa Sightings


UPDATE: 28 DEC 2005--Send Condoms to US Servicemembers Deployed Overseas.
Blue Star Mothers send "care" packages to US service members. Stuff like razors, beef jerky, and deodorant.

But, why no condoms on the list? Condoms are readily available in the PX. But, not always available in the field or the FOBs.

To provide this much needed commodity, Mothers Informed about Safe Sex in the Military, MISS Military, will send safe sex packages to any servicemember who request them at tulsaindygazetter (at) yahoo (dot) com. The packs include three condoms and lube.

UPDATE: 31 DEC 2005--BikerPooch

UPDATE: 3 JAN 2006--Weird-ass Van For Sale $16,999 OBO. Contact: tulsaindygazetter (AT) yahoo (dot) com.

UPDATE: 6 JAN 2006--Make Tulsa Weird in UTW
The January 5-11 issue of UTW, page 22-23, made a quickie reference to "Make Tulsa Weird" Campaign. Kewl. But, MTW is killing us, big time. We need help, people! We can't do it alone.

UPDATE: 6 JAN 2006--Welcome To Tulsa, Don't Drink The Water
We are in search of a large tract of land, at least 20 acres, near or under the flight path of Tulsa International. Why? No, we are not training al-Queda terrorists on how to use RPG's. To greet incoming flights, we want to light up thousands of blinking Christmas lights to spell out, "WELCOME TO TULSA, DON'T DRINK THE WATER."

UPDATE: 14 JAN 2006--And, in this corner, BikerFox!
BikerFox--1, Paul Tay--Zippo!

UPDATE: 17 JAN 2006--Goodbye, Gayly.
Wow. We can't believe we are holding the last issue of The Gayly Oklahoman in our hot little hands. 21 years-old and poof. Just like that, they are 86'd. We are so sad. We are so lost. What do we do now? When and where is the after-party wake?