Tulsa Indy Gazetter

Dangerous drivers on the loose

2006-09-23T16:45:00.000-05:00

Buzzed a vehicle at less than 1 foot and going at over 45mph. Westbound 41st at Yale. 1630. 23 September 2006.

'Shrooms

2006-06-24T16:18:00.000-05:00

Buyer's Remorse Gone Wild, 24/7

2006-06-24T16:15:00.000-05:00

The Ditty Bops Bike Tour

2006-05-31T09:34:00.000-05:00

The Ditty Bops Bike Tour

Say NO Third Penny

2006-04-06T17:25:00.000-05:00

REMOVE:
#2: $625,000 Police Handgun Replacement. Move to General Fund. Replacement programs of sundry items relevant to public safety not subject of elections and politics. What's next on this list? Bullets?
#5: $18,000,000 Police Car Replacement Program. How many cops on bicycles will $18 million buy? Do we want more cops on the streets or more cop cars? You decide.
#6: $12,800,000 Fire Department Apparatus Replacement. Move to General Fund.
#11: $4,000,000 EMS Apparatus and Equipment Replacement. Move to General Fund.
#12: $1,395,000 Upgrade City Computer Capabilities. Move to General Fund.
#13: $2,500,000 Network Hardware and Software Replacement. Move To General Fund.
#26: $1,150,000 Brady Village Implementation Plan. Bicycle drivers fare best when they are treated and act as legitimate operators of vehicles. No improvements for bikeways routes by segregating bicycles away from Denver and Archer. By both City ordinance and Oklahoma State Statues, bicycles are considered traffic. Bicycle drivers don't want to be niggers of the roadway. Separate ain't equal. "BIKE ROUTE" signs are like "COLORED ONLY" signs. Say NO to additional roadway modifications specifically for bicycles. Pedestrian projects ok.
#51: $4,500,000 Trails Development Program. No on-street bike routes needed. Bicycles share the same roadways as other vehicles.
#34-45: $60,260,000 Street Widening Projects. Street widenings increase traffic congestion. Build it. They will come and come and come. Do we want Tulsa to be nothing more a huge concrete parking lot?
#80: $38,100,000 Capital Equipment Replacement. Move to General Fund.

ADD:
$10,000 City Department-wide survey to eliminate the need for the Third Penny Sales Tax.
$60,260,000 Transit Projects. Increase coaches, reduce wait times, and coordinate traffic light timing to improve system efficiency.
$4,000,000 Subsidy to new small businesses in tax-free enterprise zones in select Downtown and North Tulsa locations.
$500,000 Bicycle racing track at Mohawk Park.
$500,000 Brady Village Transit-Oriented Development Plan.
$1,500,000 Film production equipment for rental by private firms.

Rich Chick Beats Da Fat Man

2006-04-01T06:55:00.000-06:00

Meet yer new boss, Savage Sue.

Well, crap. Back in February, Tulsa Indy predicted a Kathy win over Bill in the General. This weekend, the final weekend, we expect Kathy to widen the winning gap over Bill with the undecideds. Every Tom Baker, Bob Dick, and Penelope Jane are out on the streets, annoying the neighbors with the go-out-and-vote scam. The final point spread on 4 April: Kathy 60, Bill 35, Faulk 3, Tay 2.

Tried as we might to buck the outcome, meet Kathy Taylor, your new boss. Same as da old boss. Just don't get us all kill when the proverbial poops hits da fan, willya? Tulsa Indy expects the MedBloc Council to give her Maple Ridge GOB friends hell every step of the way til '10. In fact, we will demand it.

We expect Kathy to go after Sully, even before her term expires, because the carpetbaggin' Rich Chick gets run outta town by MedBloc. By the way, when is Sully up for re-election? That should be a really fun fight. Especially if Rich Chick turns out to be Rich Bitch. Lotsa blood, people eatin' lotsa CROW, and all around general mayhem to feed fodder to the DelWhacko ratings machine.

There will be some major talk about the Arena debacle. What do we do with da white elephant, plagarized from Miami, Florida? It turns out the Arena design wasn't so original after all. Nothing more than a cheap copy of a design already done. Get the feeling somebody pulled a fast one over the Tulsa TAXPAYERS, again?

Well, back to Bill. Lessons learned: Have a back-up job lined up. Stay on message of your friggin' party, every day, not just at election time. The only special interest you have to suck up to is the Tulsa TAXPAYERS.

We expect Corky to catch some major schrapnel from the Great Plains investigations. My goodness. What a no-win situation for everyone concerned. Another public-private initiative down da tubes.

City Hall took their collective eyeballs off their most important job, freedom from fear of crime and terrorism, and got mixed up in a con job. Now, grannies are packin'. Nice job, Sue.

Medlock is history. He unloaded his base in a New York heartbeat, by endorsing Bill for the General, betraying over 11,000 people who sweated blood for him in the primaries. MedBlocrs. The mad-as-hell-we-ain't-gonna-take-it-anymore coalition he stitched together and scammed.

The GOB crowd of Maple Ridge don't want da man. He ain't gettin' 'nuther stinkin' grassroots vote in this town again. Should have jumped up and down screaming against the Arena, and kept your mouth shut when Bill came ah callin'. Medlock went beyond campaign faux pas. This was suicide. Major meltdown.

Miller is really enjoying her time in the spotlight of the non-spotlight. For once in her life, Missy Mensch pisses off her party big time, stood firm, and said no to Bill. They'll forgive her when Bill loses. She is well positioned for just about any job she wants that doesn't involve Sully or Jimbo.

Faulk scooped Tay on 8 March by becoming the kewlest thing since the discovery of oil in Tulsa. He stayed on message with the illegal immigration issue and tapped into every racist muscle fiber of every johnny-come-lately's in town. Unfortunately for his new friends, Faulk turned to have the passion of a wet noodle for the Mayor's job. They found out he wouldn't know what to do if elected. So, the initial DelWhacko rah-rah-rah turned out be a fast leaking balloon.

And, Tay? Well, it's anybody's guess, except that he'll be back in '10, unless someone like Doug Dodd decides to make a run, because the carpetbaggin' Rich Bitch bolts for greener pastures, tired of playing MedBlocr's voodoo doll.

So, there ya have it. Tulsa Indy scoops the crowd, again. Excuse us. We need to go puke now.

Kathy: NOT GUILTY

2006-02-28T16:12:00.000-06:00

During the mid-afternoon news conference attended by the likes of Democratic operatives Mike Turpen, Sally Frasier, and the Secretary of State Savage Sue, Kathy Taylor says, "Don is the lowest lying scum. I DID NOT VOTE TWICE. So, there, you dumbshit!"

Kathy pulled out a huge stack of election board documentation to prove her innocence of potential felony charges.

The crowd of approximately 100 supporters cheered, as the media remained skeptical. Several reporters from Channel 2 seems to insist with the stupid questions all dumbass TV news reporters ask. Tulsa Indy will post pic as they are sent via smoke signals.

Notice to Holt, Schuttzi, and the rest of Tulsa media: Ha Ha. Tulsa Indy scoops you again, suckaaaaaaaaaaaaaas!

Full On Head First Assault Prediction: Kathy Taylor Beats Bill LaFortune

2006-02-10T23:16:00.000-06:00

Tulsa Indy predicts Kathy Taylor will be the next Mayor of Tulsa, following in the foot steps of Savage Sue, plowing massive bribes into North Tulsa precinct bosses, aka the pastors, and sucking Don McCorkell's Maple Ridge support dry. The first sign of the Taylor win came with the withdraw of Tom Baker, so sure of the Taylor win.

The Cochroach Caucas will crucify Corky for standing against right-to-work.

It seems Corky refuses to give up on an old, tired Democrat pipe dream of supporting unions, even if it means losing an election which he hoped to use as protection against the criminal investigation of Great Plains. Quite the principled, but, carpetbaggingly naive, candidate. Well, maybe not that principled, especially if your major endorsement is the FOP, who are pretty sick of representing deadbeats in labor disputes.

FOP made him stand publicly against RTW, in exchange for their endorsement. And, the FOP won't be screwed the second time, after the LaFortune 2002 reaming.

Cork is stuck in the middle. If he fights the inevitable, the Cochroach Caucas will feed him to the lions for Great Plains. If he sucks it up and just go on cruise control, they might let him off the hook.

The same juggernaut used to elect LaFortune turns against him.

In month leading up to General, Savage Sue, Henrynator et al will decimate the ranks of Bill LaFortune. On 4 April, voter fraud alert is Code Red. There's too much money at stake to risk any other outcome. Taylor is playing this election by the book, the Savage Sue Gamebook on outplaying, outsmarting, and outgaming the poor schlubs.

Meet your new boss, Tulsa. Same as the old boss. Long live Savage Sue.

Big Hole To Beihai, China, Tulsa's Sister City

2006-02-10T16:53:00.000-06:00

Art of Politics: Un-Dressed For Success

2006-01-24T17:36:00.000-06:00

Inspired by a life drawing class, at Philbrook Art Museum in Tulsa, Oklahoma, the Art of Politics: Un-Dressed For Success is a Mayoral debate. The format is modelled after The McLaughlin's Group, in which the Mayoral candidates, who have nothing to hide, debate the issues of major importance to all Tulsans.

How much would you pay to attend this Mayoral debate?

Clean Air Tip #8

2006-01-23T22:04:00.000-06:00

Towering over the Sapulpa West Auto Auction, northbound I-35, Oklahoma City.

Too Close For Comfort

2006-01-23T21:49:00.000-06:00

Copy on window sticker: WOOF My boxer is smarter than your honor student. Alternate copy: Your honor student is dumber than my dog. Got way too close, after jumping out of car to get the shot.
Copy on the window sticker: If you get any closer, I'll fart. Too wordy. How 'bout...STOP I FART. "STOP" enclosed in MUTCD standard stop sign.

Speed Nazi On Patrol

2006-01-22T08:37:00.000-06:00

These dudes are our kind of Nazis! You go, guys! We tagged them on the 41st Street overpass of the BA. Yeaaaaah baby! Slow down, you out-of-town niggaaaas, or, you be busted! Tulsa loves our Speed Nazis!

From scanner reports, there was also a whole shitload of Speed Nazis parked at the former site of QuikTrip, 51st and Lewis, dinging vehicles with zip guns and busting a whole shitload of speeders on the Skelly.

Our roving reporter didn't get a good pix, because he was speeding. (Chief POP: You sonofabitch, you know who you are. Don't lie to me, asshole. Your car was tagged with GPS, dumbass. Like I am gonna let you use the company vehicle without blackboxing it. You are lucky they didn't ding you with the fucking ticket. I'll fire your ass, after I kick you in the shins. And, stay out of my face for 3 days. You come near me and I WILL fuck you up. And, no, I am not paying you. Dipshit.)

Hammer Time!!!

2006-01-14T11:23:00.000-06:00

BikerFox, WE LOVE YOU!!! You are killing us everytime we visit. The score: BikerFox--2, Paul Tay--Zippo!

Who Wants To Assassinate Paul Tay?

2006-01-13T12:12:00.000-06:00

The village idiot extraordinaire, the guy even the Oklahoma ACLU hates, the guy who pissed off half of Tulsa with a big dick, super pseudo-assassin Paul Tay is on the TIG hit list. Yes, that's right. No joke.

The TIG Chief POP is offering $1 million for the pix proving the assassination of Paul Tay, currently a candidate for Mayor of Tulsa 2006. The dirty deed can be accomplished in any way the assassin chooses. Gunshot, run him over with a car or truck, whatever the assassin thinks the most efficient.

Think about this: If someone assassinates Paul Tay, would the Tulsa Police even care? Probably the most efficient way to assassinate Paul Tay is to just run him over with your car or truck. The law is on the side of the motor vehicle driver in cases where death or major injury occurs to the bicycle driver. After all, the bicycle driver deserved it. He/she should not have been on the roadway and in traffic.

Of course, you can always get creative. And, why not? This is supposed to be a fun contest, right? Wave a $100 bill at him. Lure him onto a side street. And, then, let him have it with the 357. Yeah, baby!

That's right, people. Calling all assassins worldwide. $1 million cash prize into a secret Swiss account, if you can prove you assassinated Paul Tay. Nobody likes a mad chinaman with a big dick. If your whack his mother in the process, we'll throw in another 50 bucks.

E your pix to tulsaindygazetter (at) yahoo (dot) com. The deadline for the assassination contest is 4 April 2006. Contest void where prohibited. Only Paul Tay of Tulsa, Oklahoma qualifies as the assassination victim.

Disclaimer to law enforcement: The above post is intended to be satire, not really a solicitation for murder. We hope you can appreacite the gallow humor that is not meant to be taken seriously by anyone, except for the severely mentally deranged, who really have no business on Tulsa streets anyways. No, Paul, you are not severely mentally deranged, maybe mentally challenged, but, not deranged. Did you have a lobotomy? We really love you! We really do. Let's have lunch sometime. NOT! You are such a mutherfucking sonofabitch, a worthless mad chinaman with a big dick, to boot. You are proof positive why intelligent design is a scam. Blaaaaaaaaaa! TIG salutes you with our collective middle finger, Niggaaaaa!

Intercepted Letter From Paul Tay

2006-01-13T00:07:00.000-06:00

Intercepted by Stink Investigations:

RE: Gift From The City of Tulsa

Today, 12 January 2006, is truly a historic day for bicycle drivers in Oklahoma! In Tulsa Municipal Court, Division II, Judge Hofmeister upheld the violation, Speed Too Slow, Impeding Traffic, TRO 37 622. Against a driver operating a bicycle! City of Tulsa Municipal Court Case Number 5247215.

As some of you might know, a similar case was tried in Ohio, Trotwood v Selz.

Now Oklahoma will have its own Trotwood! Here are the facts of the case:

On the morning of 12 December 2005, 0835, the Defendant, me, Paul C. Tay, was driving a bicycle on the shoulder of the Broken Arrow Expressway, Highway 64/51, going westbound.

Defendent was stopped by officers of the Tulsa Police Department. They issued a ticket charging the Defendent with "speed too slow, impeding traffic." TRO 37 622.

In the non-jury trial, City argued that since bicycles can't go 35 miles, the posted mimimum speed, the charge should stand.

The Defendent cited TRO 37 1000, the City of Tulsa Ordinance defining bicycles: Every person operating a bicycle in the City of Tulsa shall be subject to the provisions of this title applicable to the driver of a vehicle, except as to those provisions which by their very nature can have no application.

I also cited OS 47 11-313, the State of Oklahoma Statute allowing municipalities to prohibit bicycles from controlled access roadways only when a prohibitory sign has been posted.

Tulsa Police officers testified no prohibitory signage existed and it was their intent to prohibit bicycles from the Broken Arrow Expressway, if bicycles do not maintain the minimum speed of 35 miles per hour.

CLASSIC Trotwood v. Selz!

I am preparing the "Notice of Intent to Appeal" to appeal the case to the Oklahoma Court of Criminal Appeals. If you believe that the use of the minimum speed law can be effectively used by law enforcement to prohibit bicycles from ANY roadway, I need your help.

The fee to obtain the court transcript: $150. The fee to transmit the instraments of appeal: $100. The fee to file the case with the Oklahoma Court of Criminal Appeals: $50. The fee for the attorney: I am afraid to ask. The right of travel by bicycle on any roadway, anytime: PRICELESS.

I will do whatever it takes, panhandle, collect aluminum cans, sell my left pinky, whatever, to bring this case in front of the Court of Criminal Appeals. If you can help with $$, writing the brief, or just moral support forwarding this email to justice-loving bicycle drivers everywhere, that would be so kewl.

If you want to be removed from the list to receive future updates of my bicycle adventures with Tulsa's finest, lemme know. I will be more than happy to remove your email from my list.

Thanks you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
Paul Tay

Free Ride

2006-01-13T00:03:00.000-06:00

Get a free ride home anytime, call 585-5571. A public service announcement provided courtesy of the Tulsa Indy Gazetter.

TayWatch

2006-01-12T21:36:00.000-06:00

Super psuedo-assassin and international man of mystery Paul Tay, the guy who really rather just want to piss you off instead of shooting you, filed as a candidate for Tulsa Mayor.

From wiretap records by Stink Investigations, Tay is intent on outburning Burns, outjennering Jenner, outfoxing BikerFox, and outweirding Austin.

Keep your cameras handy this election season, especially while driving. Pix safe, people. Don't try to take a picture while you are driving with your other hand. That's SOOOO wrong! Drive ahead of him, pull off into a driveway before taking the pix. You will get a much clearer shot. Tip him well. The guy is burning lots of hot tamales and cooking up massive doses of 'dorphs. He'll pose for a special shot.

Here are the prizes for your Tay pix:
Catch him picking his nose: $1
Spitting: $2
Doing a mean guitar riff at a traffic light: $5
Waving an American flag or airing out his armpits while bicycling: $7
Getting a lap dance at Night Trips: $15
Snorting cocaine: $5,000
Smoking dope: $5,000
Posing naked: $5
Panhandling: $1
Reading someone's palm: $1
Towing a six-foot inflatable replica of the male genitalia on his bicycle: $1
Throwing candy into a moving vehicle: $1
Annoying people on the Internet: $1
Having sex with a Tulsa MILF: $59,000 (Ha! We know this will never happen!)
Crashing into the back of a Tulsa Transit bus: PRICELESS!

If he doesn't get arrested on a bogus charge (Prize for the pix: $1), the elections will be more entertaining than Survivor, Howard Stern, and Carrie Underwear put together.

WE WANT YOUR TAY PIX....NOW!!!

UPDATE: 22 January 2006--Intercepted letter from Paul Tay To Don McCorkell. (Chief POP note: To intercept this letter, Stink Investigations pummelled the courier to a half-eaten pulp. We are quite appalled by Stink's actions, however, we support their right to pummel anyone they like, as long as it's not me.)

Dear Don:
Thank you for your kind letter seeking my support for your proposals to enact "tough new ethics laws" for Tulsa. My humble apologies in advance for overlooking the minutea of governing in favor of my grand plans to make Tulsa the number one tourist attraction for young professionals, out-bricking Bricktown, and out-weirding Austin, Texas.

I hope you will accept the position of Vice-Mayor overseeing lobbyists, enforcing the ethics laws, and making the Mayor's Report to the City Council, in my absences, which I promise will be few and far between my regularly scheduled Thursday night Mayor's Bike Ride with Student Council presidents of Tulsa's high schools. I promise you needn't miss your happy hour at Baxter's too often.

In the meantime, I shall release an announcement to conceptually support your proposals for "tough new ethics laws," if you announce you will obey TRO 51 3102.16, keeping your campaign signs off the public rights-of-way. Though yours look better than Medlock's, signs on the public rights-of-way are "public nuisances endangering public safety."

For the full support of your proposals, I will look for the opinions of Tulsa's Axis of Analysis, the highly esteemed firm of Bates Arnett DelGiornio. Again, my apologies for not having enough brain cells to develop a more comprehensive opinion of the "tough new ethics laws" for Tulsa voters.

Sincerely,
(signed)
Paul C Tay

P.S. Gung Hay Fat Choy!!

Oscar and the Amazing Technicolor BATmobile Machine

2006-01-10T18:33:00.000-06:00

The Art of Address
Cheesecakes Gone Wild
Cheesecake man and future movie star.
One bad-ass tat, Os!

Oscar makes a really mean hot chili paste. Mix three different types of peppers, a dash of balsamic, and dip of chardonnay. For the detail recipe, e tulsaindygazetter (at) yahoo (dot) com.

Confessions of a Leasing Agent

2006-01-06T15:41:00.000-06:00

If you go to Tokyo, you get geishas. When you come to Tulsa, you will get some of the world's hottest, and we mean, really really hot, leasing agents. (Yes, we think the movie, "Memoirs of a Geisha," SUX!)

Recently, we sent a roving reporter, actually an over-pampered trust fund slacker, on a top secret mission to get first impressions of over 60 randomly selected monster apartment complexes in the Tulsa area.

If you are a single male heterosexual who travel regularly to Tulsa, sooner or later, you will visit one of the many monster apartment complexes. You know what will keep you: free everything, wi-fi, basic cable, maybe a fitness center, and of course, reasonable rent.

But, the real question is what will sell you to sign the 12-month contract. The answer are a really hot leasing agent, preferably female, who knows how to use her cleavage, big juicy, moist cookies, not some cheap-ass hockey pucks to break your front jaw bones, and warm aromatic java that never stops flowing from the big jug lovingly caressed by that really hot leasing agent.

Sorry, we are under some huge pressures from other projects for now. But, we promise to bring you the ratings, comments, and maybe even a naked picture, or two, of leasing agents from the secret mission to get the "Secret Confessions of a Leasing Agent."

Stuff To Trade For Bicycles Or Guitars

2005-12-28T12:31:00.000-06:00

As results of shamelessly exploiting the homeless in the making of Homeless For The Holiday: The Documentary, Tulsa Indy Gazetter sponsors Tent City Tea Society, on the road again, makin' music with their friends. We refurbish musical instraments for them. Currently, we need guitars, acoustic or electric.

We also sponsor Reality Bikes, a bicycle co-op, that refurbishes
bicycles for the homeless to use as transportation. Any kind of
bicycles with wheels of 20 inch, 24 inch, 26 inch, 27 inch, 700c.

We deliver items to the end users by bicycle. But, it would be nice to have an old, beat-up pickup truck with a running motor. Not neccessary, but would be nice. If we do get a pickup, it would probably be a rolling work of art.

HickMobile. Picture a crushed bicycle and rider permenantly welded on the grille. The driver side door is painted with small icons of bicycles. Kinda like how fighter pilot mark their kills on their planes. Then, wrap the rest of the contraption with the state flag of Mississippi.

Currently, we have the following stuff to trade for bicycles, bicycle
parts, or guitars and amps:

1 One ton log splitter(manual)

1 microwave oven
1 small office refrigerator
1 full size home refrigerator
3 ceiling fans
50 1 Square Foot ceramic floor tiles
Wood flooring adhesive
5 Bat houses
10 sections of fencing
Assorted lumber--2X4, plywood, trim, etc.
21 inch color computer monitor
15 inch color computer monitor
Apple McIntosh computer---museum quality
A huge pile of T-shirts
1 hammer and various hand tools
1 full size sleghammer
1 full size axe
1 full size pick
1 pack of roofing shingles
2 extra partial rolls of roofing felt
Weekly truck loads of outdated, excess newspaper and magazines.

And, two Sgt. Pecker Party Penises. (Don't ask. And, NO! We do not have any gay positions, political or otherwise.)

Local Minister on Wiretap List?

2005-12-28T11:03:00.000-06:00

Local celebrity minister, Carlton Pearson, is believed to be on President Bush's wiretap list. Bishop Pearson has preached his own brand of gospel of inclusion, i.e. everybody is saved, incurred the wrath of God-fearing, Hell-believing Christians worldwide, and tarred and feathered as Public Heretic d'Jour.

Born-again, former drunk, W is pissed.

More Intelligent Design

2005-12-28T09:03:00.000-06:00

This will be a regular post on comments we wish we could have made on Tulsa's Talk Radio, but, for one reason or another, were censored.

UPDATE: 28 DEC 2005--Get your gun banned or wiretap your ass.
KFAQ had a bit on the question of what would make you angry most: the government taking away your gun or wiretapping your conversations and e-mails. This is the wrong question. The way the question was asked gave us the impression of KFAQ's biased supporting illegal wiretaps. So, what else is new?

We like KFAQ. But, wish they'd lose the dogma already!

Actually, this morning's show is more interesting than Joe Kelly on KRMG. The bloke has zilch POV. But, we still enjoy listening from time to time, especially while multi-tasking in the bathroom. NP who?

Most of the callers said they would rather be wiretapped rather have their guns taken away. Then, someone named Bubba said something really strange, "Wiretaps are the reason why we need the Second Amendment." To which KFAQ responded, "So, love the country, hate the government?" Then, Bubba was cut off.

It remains to be seen who exactly the President wiretapped. Based on W's responses and the way he responded, people like Rosa Parks, Fred Korematsu, Cindy Sheehan, and Anthony Romero would probably appear on the wiretap list.

Why are KFAQ callers so keen on allowing their First Amendment rights to be taken away so fast? So, they can have an excuse to exercise their Second Amendment rights? Make mah day, muthafucker!

Then, another bit about Blue Star Mothers got our imagination boiling. Blue Star Mothers send "care" packages to US service members. Stuff like razors, beef jerky, and deodorant. A caller said baby wipes are hot items.

A few former active-duty Marines among us thought the one item BS Moms has not included on their list: condoms. They can be forgiven. After all, they are moms. Every mom wants to believe their kids are just on a long church campout.

Sex, like a good hot meal, is absolutely neccessary to maintain morale in the field. But, company commanders rarely talk safe sex.

And, condoms are especially neccessary for female counterinsurgent Special Forces who need to torture a male Muslim bad dude for info, without really crossing the line into cruel and unusual treatment.

And, they make great toy ballons for kids.

Condoms are readily available in the PX. But, not always available in the field or the FOBs. To provide this much needed commodity, Mothers Informed about Safe Sex in the Military, MISS Military, will send safe sex packages to any servicemember who request them at tulsaindygazetter (at) yahoo (dot) com. The packs include three condoms and lube.

Sign Nazi On Patrol

2005-12-28T08:21:00.000-06:00

UPDATE: 10 FEB 2006--Sign Nazi Commander X, left, about to have a few word with Tulsa Indy. Time to lie our ass off and scoot.
UPDATE: 29 JAN 2006--Courtesy Airtime For All Candidates on PIMP-AM Radio.

UPDATE: 27 JAN 2006--The Official City of Tulsa Sign Nazi On Patrol. We are gonna git ya, suckaaaaaaaas!
UPDATE: 27 JAN 2006--More Disrepect of the law

UPDATE: 17 JAN 2006--Direct Action Civil Disobedience! Eastbound 41st at I-44. You go, guys! Up yours, City. Yeaaaaaaaah, baby!

UPDATE: 11 JAN 2006--Tulsa Transit, info@tulsatransit.org, wrote:
We have permits from the City of Tulsa for all our benches and shelters. Thanks for your concern.

TIG Reply:
TRO 51 3102.16 does not have language that allows permitted signs on public right-of-way. Please send the link for the enabling local ordinance, and we will clarify the situation on Tulsa Indy Sign Nazi on Patrol. Thank you for your help.

UPDATE: 10 JAN 2006--Complete Disrespect of the Law. 61st and Lewis.

UPDATE: 22 JAN 2006--12th and St. Louis. Not as butt-ugly as the above, but, still, can we have some semblence of respect for the law?

UPDATE: 6 JAN 2006--71st and Trenton.

UPDATE: 71st and Lewis. Center median eastbound 71st.

UPDATE: 6 JAN 2006--91st and Delaware NE corner.

UPDATE: 6 JAN 2006--I-44 and Garnett

TRO 51 3102.16
Excluded from Right-of-Way; Removal Authorized.
No sign shall be permitted in the right-of-way of a street under any circumstances, except as provided in Section 3102.12.4. Any sign situated in the right-of-way of a public street is hereby declared a public nuisance endangering public safety, and may be removed by the code official or any police officer of the City of Tulsa.

Tulsa Indy Gazetter has put the Mayor's Action Center on notice of this post depicting the following signs that might be deemed in violation of TRO 51 3102.16. Contributors may e pictures of illegal street signs to tulsaindygazetter (AT) yahoo (DoT) com. Please include location and the date encountered.

UPDATE: 28 DEC 2005--Westbound 41st at Sheridan.

UPDATE: 28 DEC 2005--Southbound Sheridan at 41st.

UPDATE: 28 DEC 2005--Westbound 41st at Hudson.

UPDATE: 28 DEC 2005--Westbound 41st at Sheridan.

UPDATE: 28 DEC 2005--37th and Peoria.

UPDATE: 31 DEC 2005 Eastbound 51st at Harvard

UPDATE: 31 DEC 2005--Westbound 51st at Harvard

UPDATE: 31 DEC 2005--Eastbound 51st at Harvard

UPDATE: 31 DEC 2005---Northbound Yale at I-44

UPDATE: 31 DEC 2005--41st and Yale, Southeast corner. REMOVED

UPDATE": 31 DEC 2005--Southbound Yale at 40th.

UPDATE: 31 DEC 2005--Southbound Yale at 5400.

UPDATE: 31 DEC 2005--Westbound 51st at Yale.

UPDATE: 31 DEC 2005--Northwest corner 41st and Yale.

UPDATE: 31 DEC 2005--51st and Harvard.

UPDATE: 31 DEC 2005--5800 E 41st.

Eastbound 51st at Harvard.

Westbound 41st at Yale

Tulsa Transit offers advertising on buses, benches and shelters. For details, contact Mike Lemery with Transit Advertising at 699-0204.

Westbound 6701 E 41st

Northbound 42nd and Mingo

Northbound 41st and Peoria

Southwest corner 51st and Lewis

Southwest corner 51st and Harvard

Southeast corner 41st and Memorial

7015 E 41st

Northwest corner 61st and Lewis

2431 E 51st

3132 E 51st

Southeast corner 41st and Harvard

7100 E 71

48th and Garnett

Northwest corner. 41st and Garnett.

Pimp Your Sign

2005-12-24T19:39:00.000-06:00

Are you on the City of Tulsa serial sign offenders' list? Have you been secretly posting your signs illegally on the City's right-of-way? Are you wasting a small fortune on small signs most car drivers ignore?

Well, son, you need to pimp your sign!

A Taste of the Deep South

2005-12-24T13:54:00.000-06:00

Rebel flag at the ABATE Toy Run 2005. Damn, we can't wait to hoist our State flag of Mississippi!

Homeless And Rich

2005-12-24T13:11:00.000-06:00

Camped out in front of Skelly Drive Best Buy waiting in line to buy the xBox 360.

Goofball Ashton Kucher-type hammin' it up.

Keanu Reeves chillin' out.

Bruce Weiss-type signing a petition.

Men At Work

2005-12-24T13:09:00.000-06:00

Ground level shot of workers recovering from the big Downtown Tulsa blackout.

Roadside Memorial

2005-12-24T13:07:00.000-06:00

Eastbound B.A. near 145th.

Asleep At The Wheel?

2005-12-24T13:00:00.000-06:00

Three car wreck on a bright sunny afternoon in Tulsa. Southbound Memorial near 91st.

Tulsa MILF Hunter: Damn, She's Hot!

2005-12-14T16:26:00.000-06:00

UPDATE: 10 FEB 2006--There HAS to be a MILF behind the wheels of this hot little number.
From Readers' submissions: Who are these women?

For fans of Bill LaFortune in drag**Comment courtesy of Charles Biggs, Tulsa Beacon. Heard on KFAQ, 13 January 2006.

HOT, Muthafuckin' DAMN!

Needs another hairstylist, but, hey, boy howdy, can this lady pull strings, or what?!

Needs to lay off the Versace and get with Cheapo Depot when going North across Tulsa's 38th Parallel

Her husband really robbed the cradle. Looks ten years younger than her age.

Her voice is hot every morning while we multi-task in the bathroom with the witch, the lion, and wardrobe. 'Nuff said.

Tulsa is home to some of the hottest MILFs, Mothers Intelligently Loquacious, and Famous. They are accomplished, active as part of Tulsa's intelligencia elites, and can usually be found in full public view, lurking amongst the rest of us commoners who patronize Cheapo Depot. They are women we would love to have lunch with. Well, except maybe for one. You know who you are.

Tag any of these Tulsa MILFs while wearing the TIG Tee! E the pic to tulsaindygazetter AT yahoo. Random winner gets a TIG cap to match.

If you know of a Tulsa MILF we've missed, let us know!

In Box

2005-12-14T12:41:00.000-06:00

12 December 2005--From Joe.Kelly@coxradio.com:
I have an interest in speaking with the gentleman who dresses as Santa and rides his bike along the Tulsa-area expressways.
Any idea how I can contact him? I think his name is Paul Tay.
Thanks very much.

Reply from Chief POP:
Have ya tried da phone book? Or do a live remote on the Broken Arrow Expressway. He'll find ya if he wants to talk.

In Pre-Production

2005-11-27T17:01:00.000-06:00

We are currently in pre-production for Homeless For The Holiday and will not post much of anything else until after 11 January 2006, the last day all the Tulsa candidates for public office declare their official intentions with the Tulsa County Election Board.

Make Tulsa Weird, Tulsa ElectionWatch, and Attention: Jeff Martin posts will be updated. Happy Holidays!

Buy Nothing Christmas

2005-11-25T10:48:00.000-06:00

Self-explanatory.

Buy Nothing Day

2005-11-25T10:46:00.000-06:00

Every year on the Friday after T-Day, Tulsa Indy Gazetter celebrate Buy Nothing Day, by sitting in the basement without electricity.

Daniel Ellsberg Arrested In Crawford, TX

2005-11-25T10:29:00.000-06:00

Police arrested Pentagon Paper leaker, Daniel Ellsberg, in Crawford, TX, on Wednesday, 23 NOV 2005. Ellsberg was part of a group protesting the Crawford car ban.

Make Tulsa Weird

2005-11-25T08:33:00.000-06:00

Sublimal religious icon on Tulsa's public right-of-way?
Got Condom?
Cheesecake factory on Harvard.
Reserved parking for Tulsa's richest family.
Everybody needs a helping hand every now and then. Broken-down United Way bus getting a lift. Downtown Tulsa
More new jobs for Tulsa.
Dude guarding the White Rose on 11th Street.
Billboard. Downtown Tulsa.
Inspired by our astute partners-in-crime, The Other Side Of Thought, and Keep Austin Weird, Make Tulsa Weird campaign chronicles all things in Weird Tulsa.

Do you have an idea to make Tulsa weird? Post it here. We'll help you! In fact, we'll bring a film crew too. tulsaindygazetter(AT)yahoo(Dot)com.

UPDATE--26 NOV 2005:.

Beginning Monday, 28 November 2005, Tulsa Indy Gazetters will fan out across Tulsa with the Oklahoma State flag, bearing this message: Merry Christmas, Mr. Hussein. We will ask Tulsa citizens to sign the flag. On 18 December 2005, we will send the flag to Saddam Hussein in Bagdad Abu Ghrib Prison.

On Christmas Eve, TIG invites Tulsans to join Santa at our branch office at the 41st Street Panera Bakery to send Saddam Hussein Christmas greetings on Yahoo Messenger ID: TulsaIndyGazetter. Webcast begins at 12 noon, CDT, GMT -6.

Though we realize it is Christmas Eve, not Halloween, TIG encourages webcast participants be in costume. In association with Section 8 FilmWorx, a short film will be produced for later webstreams. Why? Because it's Christmas. In life, we be bad. In hell, we repent.

Mr. Paul Nichols, immortalized as the first signer of Oklahoma's Christmas card to Mr. Hussein. Vistor to our South Tulsa Branch office. Howdy, neighbor!

Thank you for pitching a dollar for the postage fund! We wish you lots of "up's" for the rest of the year!

UPDATE: 23 DEC 2005--The Christmas card for Mr. Hussein was quietly mailed from the 51st and Sheridan USPS station at 1120. It was addressed to The Honorable Saddam Hussein, Baghdad County Correctional Facility, BCCF, Baghdad, IRAQ. According to the postal clerk, it should be there in two weeks.

We have many mixed feelings about the Christmas card leaving our possession. It has been a part of our lives for sometime. Not a day went by that we did not think of Mr. Hussein and we have been keeping up with the trial, mostly while multitasking in the bathroom.

The Christmas card will do one of three things. It might return, unable to deliver. The security situation for Iraq postal workers must be unbelievable. FedEx wanted to charge $80 USD for air priority. They said that's the only way they'll send it. We said "Adios, we'll find another way."

It might actually get to Mr. Hussein. Or, it might disappear into the Postal Zone. Who knows? Wish the Christmas card lotsa luck in reaching its destination.

As of this post, the trial of Mr. Hussein is on hiatus for 30 days. Mr. Hussein's defense seems to be stalling for time. Livin' another day. The Rare Earth tune comes to mind.

UPDATE: 5 DEC 2005
When Santa Attacks!--A horde of Santas on bicycles invaded Tulsa streets and highways this morning during rush hour. Eyewitness, police scanner, and radio traffic reports indicate Santas were spotted across Tulsa, as far south as 101st and Memorial, as far north as Cherokee Industrial Park, as far west as Riverside Dr., and as far east as the airport.

At approximately 0750, KRMG reported a Santa sighting on the westbound Broken Arrow Expressway between Harvard and Yale. At about 0830, traffic reporter John Filbeck indicated traffic on the B.A. was back up 5 miles from the Utica exit on the west to approximately 129th East Ave.

There was some speculation on the legality of bicycling on the expressways. KRMG devoted a total of seven minutes on the story.

To contain and control the Santa invasion, Tulsa Police dispatched several units from the same crack squad that broke up a Nazi terrorist plot in Downtown Tulsa last month. One unit was even pulled off from arresting a TU football player caught violating Tulsa Revised Ordinance Chapter 27 Section 1213.

From scanner reports, a TPD unit stopped a Santa on the westbound Broken Arrow Expressway, at the Utica exit.

Eyewitnesses report that Santa had his arm in the air, waving wildly at the mass of drivers stuck in the traffic jam. Apparently, Santa was promoting a radio station. A sign on the back of the bicycle says, "460-KRMG LIVE." As of 30 November, KRMG is rated number 2 in the Tulsa market, with a 6.9 share, almost a full point behind KWEN, another Cox property.

Unnamed sources inside Cox Radio, the owner of KRMG, indicated a Santa was seen in the lobby last Monday, with an appointment to see Joe Kelly, the morning drive host. A Tulsa Indy e-mail requesting information about the meeting has thus far been unanswered.

At approximately 0845 on the scanner, Tulsa Police officer, badge ID 1525, of the Uniform Divison Southwest nabbed another Santa on Riverside Drive. Court records indicate Santa was charged with Tulsa Revised Ordinance Title 37 Section 1107.

As listed on court records, the violation is "Fail to use 2 hands." Further facts supporting criminal charge, "Dressed as Santa Riding On Street w/ Hands In The Air." The listed fine is $45. Efforts to contact Division Commander Rod Hummel and Officer 1525 has been unsuccessful.

UPDATE: 5 DEC 2005, 1600--City of Tulsa vs. Santa Claus, #5242623, set for trial, 5 January 2006, 1400, Tulsa Municipal Court, Division I.

Post your reactions and speculations here.

SantaWatch: LiveJournal
7 DEC 2005, 0825---KRMG reported a Santa sighting westbound on the B.A.

8 DEC 2005, 0900---Eyewitness report Santa northbound Riverside Dr. at 71st.

12 DEC 2005, 0845---KRMG reports Tulsa Police arrested Santa on the westbound BA, Sheridan exit.

UPDATE--7 DEC 2005:

Not really that weird. But, Clayton Coss is famous for turning ugly looking tree stumps into kewl yard art.

UPDATE: 14 DEC 2005---Do The Dirty, Not The Two.
Recently, Urban Tulsa Weekly reported on how local TV news are scaring the flimsy pants off their viewers. Shooting d'jour, bugs in cafeteria food, and HIV-infected needles in the neighborhoods.

According to UTW, the worst of the lot is KJRH, Channel 2. We will soon find out their viewership share, compared to 6, 8, and Faux. From the looks of their choice of sensationalized stories, they seem to be desperate, cheap, and in last place. Though Tulsa Beacon reports the November Neilsen's puts them at numero uno.

As part of Make Tulsa Weird, let's put them out their misery. At 5, 6, and 10, hit the "off" on the remote. Instead of watching the paint dry on the ceiling, do the dirty, make love, fuck. If you don't have a partner, do it to yourself until you go blind and can't watch TV.

Do you have an idea on how to measure "Do The Dirty, Not The Two," like the Nielsen ratings? Let's hear them here.

UPDATE: 16 DEC 2005--More Intelligent Design

68th and Memorial. AmeriPenguin.

From the Holy Bubba, Book of Bonehead:
In the beginning, or sometime around 1776, Penguin created America and a third-rate, third-world country called Burma, now called Myanmar, sometime around 1949.
And America was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of Penguin moved into the hallowed grounds of the Congress of the United States.
And Penguin said, Let there be a tea party: and there was a tea party.
And Penguin saw the tea party, that it was good: and Penguin divided the insurgents from the turncoats.
And Penguin called the insurgents Patriots, and the turncoats Benedict Arnolds.
And the Patriots and the Benedict Arnolds were the first combatants on the Great War of the American Revolution.
And Penguin said, Let there be Free Speech in the midst of the Revolution, and let it divide the First Amenedment from the Second Amendment, the Third Amendment, and so forth.
And Congress made the U.S. Constitution, and divided the Bill of Rights which were under the U.S. Constitution from the Declaration of Independence which were above the U.S. Constitution: and it was so.
And Penguin called the First Amendment the right of all Americans to offend. And the Second Amendment were the right of all Americans to shoot and kill any dumbass who don't agree with the First Amendment.
And Penguin said, Let the Amendments under the Bill of Rights be gathered together unto one place, and let the Great Age of Enlightment, the United States of America appear: and it was so.
And Penguin called the Amendments the Bill of Rights; and the gathering together of the Bill of Rights the U.S. Constitution: and Penguin saw that it was good.
And Penguin said, Let the United States of America bring forth the right to speak freely, the right to offend, and the right to shoot and kill any dumbass who disagree: and it was so.
And America brought forth great freedoms envied the world over, and yeilding great personages such as Rosa Parks, Fred Korematsu, and Martin Luther King, Jr. and even village idiots such as Paul Tay: and Penguin saw that it was good.
Since all was good, Penguin rests on the third day, beating out God who needed six days to do his thing.

And, what about Myanmar? Did you really want to hear about a third-world, third-rate country run by a egomaniac despot? We thought not.

UPDATE: 17 DEC 2005---A Prayer For Free Speech
Our Free Speech Penguin, who art in Tulsa and the United States Constitution,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done,
In Tulsa as it is in San Francisco, L.A., Seattle, or Bugtussle, Mississippi.
Give us this day our daily Free Speech.
And forgive us our offensive,
As we forgive those who offend against us.
And lead us not into censorship,
But deliver us from the Speech Nazis and the FCC.
For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever.
Or at least until the next nuke explodes.
Amen.

UPDATE: 24 DEC 2005---99 cent Biscuit and Gravy. Exit 41st on Riverside. Not really that weird, except this is actually a business on the banks of the Arkansas River, in Tulsa!

UPDATE: 24 DEC 2005---More Santa Sightings

Santarchy!
SantaCon

UPDATE: 28 DEC 2005--Send Condoms to US Servicemembers Deployed Overseas.
Blue Star Mothers send "care" packages to US service members. Stuff like razors, beef jerky, and deodorant.

But, why no condoms on the list? Condoms are readily available in the PX. But, not always available in the field or the FOBs.

To provide this much needed commodity, Mothers Informed about Safe Sex in the Military, MISS Military, will send safe sex packages to any servicemember who request them at tulsaindygazetter (at) yahoo (dot) com. The packs include three condoms and lube.

UPDATE: 31 DEC 2005--BikerPooch

UPDATE: 3 JAN 2006--Weird-ass Van For Sale $16,999 OBO. Contact: tulsaindygazetter (AT) yahoo (dot) com.

UPDATE: 6 JAN 2006--Make Tulsa Weird in UTW
The January 5-11 issue of UTW, page 22-23, made a quickie reference to "Make Tulsa Weird" Campaign. Kewl. But, MTW is killing us, big time. We need help, people! We can't do it alone.

UPDATE: 6 JAN 2006--Welcome To Tulsa, Don't Drink The Water
We are in search of a large tract of land, at least 20 acres, near or under the flight path of Tulsa International. Why? No, we are not training al-Queda terrorists on how to use RPG's. To greet incoming flights, we want to light up thousands of blinking Christmas lights to spell out, "WELCOME TO TULSA, DON'T DRINK THE WATER."

UPDATE: 14 JAN 2006--And, in this corner, BikerFox!
BikerFox--1, Paul Tay--Zippo!

UPDATE: 17 JAN 2006--Goodbye, Gayly.
Wow. We can't believe we are holding the last issue of The Gayly Oklahoman in our hot little hands. 21 years-old and poof. Just like that, they are 86'd. We are so sad. We are so lost. What do we do now? When and where is the after-party wake?

Rhinotillexomania

2005-11-25T07:20:00.000-06:00

Do you have a picture of a Tulsa public official or celebrity caught in the act? Send 'em to tulsaindygazetter(AT)yahoo(dot)com.

THANK YOU, AEP/PSO!!!

2005-11-23T08:07:00.000-06:00

Just when we thought all hopes were lost for Tulsa's much loved historic trees, AEP/PSO came through with a brilliant plan. Just when we thought corporations were run by a bunch of meglomaniacs bent on world destruction, the powers that be will give homeowners vouchers to hire private tree trimmers. Yeaaaaah, baby!

You've restored our faith in the goodness of people, no matter if they are homeless or corporate hacks. The voucher policy is not perfect, but, it's a start.

As such, TIG has contacted Santa. And, Mr. Claus, being the benevalent environmentalist/tree hugger that he is, wants to pay a big THANK YOU visit to the good boys and girls at AEP/PSO. Tell us where and when at tulsaindygazetter(AT)yahoo(dot)com. We'll pass the word to Santa. Being Santa, he will be there!

Adventures In Filmmaking

2005-11-22T10:15:00.000-06:00

Lights, camera, busted!

Tulsa Police foiled suspected Nazi terrorists on Sunday 20 November in Downtown. After determining the mistake and putting the safety on the 9's, a good time was had by all.

Suspected psuedo-terrorist on the Secret Service watch list, Paul Tay, was apparently in dispose inside a nearby porta-potty, caught red-handed multi-tasking with a laptop, toilet paper and Monday's edition of the Whirled.

TIG question: What is it with guns and B-budget filmmakers anyway?

Comment by MichaelC Posted on TulsaNOW: I thought the article was cute. And the title, catchy. Even the pic was cool.

Blogger's Reply: We aim to please. Will do everything except get on our knees!

Tulsa Treasure Hunt

2005-11-22T08:49:00.000-06:00

Locate and tag, as in pose next to, not deface, this biking babe while wearing TIG garb. Send your pix to tulsaindygazetter(AT)yahoo(Dot)com.

Tag this sign while wearing TIG garb during sweeps. Send us the pix. Show 'em blogz rule!

Pose next to this sign with the garb from TIG or a sign from any other Tulsa blogs. We'll post as many as we can during sweeps. Channel 2, we are coming after you too.

No ill-will intended. Just some good clean competition to keep both of us on our toes. Show 'em bloggers rule!

America...F-Word, Yeaaaah!

2005-11-22T07:36:00.000-06:00

It's no secret Tulsa bleeds young professionals to the coasts. Groups such as the independent yPTulsa and Chamber of Commerce sponsored tyPros try to stem the flow with networking, new projects, and neo, high concept mixers.

There is another much smaller, as of yet un-named, group, probably more like tribe, whatever, catering to yP's that meets at McNellie's Monday nights. Love of the bicycle culture, beyond spandex, brought them together. At an inaugural meeting, a very boisterous crowd of 9 gathered to discuss such weighty matters as 501(c) incorporation, community service, and not to mention, name of the group. The possibilities are endless, but, anything to keep yP's involved, engaged, and in Tulsa, gets our vote. We get lonely too.

America....F-word, Yeaaaaaah!

Chicken-Cooped In A Cuckoo's Nest

2005-11-21T06:32:00.000-06:00

It is the last night of my stay at a very strange place called Griffin Memorial Hospital in Norman, Oklahoma. I am standing in the courtyard, bouncing a basketball, looking out alternately at the coming dusk thunderstorm, the crackle of lightning on the southern sky, and the residents and staff of this grand institute for the improvement of mental health. They are all puffing away at their pathetic cigarettes with complete abandon, discussing the day's drama, large and small.

Five days ago, with a court order, a Tulsa County Sheriff's deputy roused me from sleep, handcuffed me, and rudely chaffuered me 130 miles to this cuckoo's nest.

Instead of improving my mental well-being, this nut house made me more mentally ill. Somewhere along the way, I discovered the meaning of unconditional friendships, injustices against the mentally ill, and an angst-prone, lone wolf who used the pay phone to order a navy blue, Mercedes-Benz convertible 690SEL. Delivery: FOB Fallujah.

When Jesus Christ Superstar is not dispensing uncommonly accurate stock tips to any and all who will listen, he's killing everyone with lurid details of his sexual prowess with his sister-in-law.

Hello, NASA? This is one very strange movie set, with a cast of characters unlike any other. And, it's all very real. Maybe too real.

Matt Andrews was a former kempo karate champ. Though his athletic days are long gone, his violent temper is not. He just slid his mini-fudge striped short bread cookies, across the table, while asking if I wanted them. Automatically, I say no thanks. I accept them, nonetheless, as he leaves, back to bed at 1 a.m. on the morning of my departure back to Tulsa County.

Tommorrow, I will appear in front of the judge who issued an illegal detention order remanding me to Griffin. My mother convinced the judge I need to be examined for mental competence. In one fell swoop, my mother, the pathetic old bitch, was able to do what no police officer has been able to do, incarcerate me for all my sins, great and small, real and perceived. After trying to understand the various characters on this crazy set, I am not too sure I'll be able to convince the judge I am a normal, productive human being, harmless and nothing more than just a screwball, not a nut.

Mr. Alfred, a big diabetic gentleman, grossly obese, confined to a wheel chair, is awake, like a Krispy-Kreme vampire, to relieve his bladder through a catherter. While drooling at the pristine beauties parading across the TV screen, vying for the Miss America title a few hours earlier, Mr. Alfred remarked that he has a permanent boner. A bit too much information.

Drama occurs even at 2 a.m. in the nut house. The men's night orderly just busted Mr. Andrews for smoking in his room. Suddenly, without warning the lyrics of that classic rock tune rings out in my head. Smokin' in the boys room. Lighter confiscated, the orderly comes out of the room to ask me if I can smell the cigarettes. I said I don't know what he's talking about. The orderly bags and labels the lighter. Mr. Andrews may retrive it when he leaves the facilities, which may be never.

Mr. Andrews is prone to fits of violent anger, snuggly wrapped under a warm, engaging smile of Gunsmoke's Festus. He is roughly in his mid-40's, ruggedly handsome, Malboro man. His visage chiseled by several stints in the pen, bouts with meth, and marriage.

His immediate future will depend on his performance with his wife for Dr. Wang, the head doc. No, it is not some sick sex act. Mr. Andrews and his wife must convince Dr. Wang that he will not be a danger to his wife or anyone else. Unfortunately, his outbursts last afternoon will not be in his favor. Mr. Andrews is facing 15 to life for his third felony under the three strike rule. I ask him to look up my brother.

While there may be shortages of basic common sense, mental soundness, and great sex that is not solo, drama can be counted upon 24/7. In a world where the slightest outbursts of direct challenge to the staff's supreme authority can summon the needle, the smoke break becomes a matter of clock work that must be on schedule, lest the cuckoo's nest should suffer a grand mutiny.

I had my own run-in's with staff. Immediately upon arrival, the attending doctor ordered 5 mg of Haldol, chemical handcuffs, without due process or provocation. After I stridently protested the gross invision of my personhood, the injection was 10 mg.

A few days later, I tried to reconfigure the ping pong table, for solo play. Unfortunately, the table didn't cooperate, which drew strong rebuke from the staff. After some heated exchange and struggling with a recalcitrant table, another nut case offered to play with me. I said no. I am a screwball. I don't play with nut cases. I rather play with the wall. His name is not "The Wall." Nothing personal.

I might have been rebellious, obnoxious, and out-spoken. But, another 5 mg of Haldol did not fit the infraction.

If God exists, He must reside on the buttocks of Ms. Tiffany, a staff nurse. Before I got her 411, I was head over heels with the most painful, sinful lust of her body, her walk, and her fetching smile. On my first encounter with her, she asked about the dry spot of skin on my forehead. She said she had just the perfect lotion to cure it, and promptly scooped out a pearly cream into a small plastic cup.

Even though I had no cash and had become ambivalent about God's existance, I wagered Mr. Andrews all the money he had in his pocket I would pray to God. When he agreed, I asked Mr. Anthony, the big black staff enforcer, for permission to pray to God. He said yes. I got down on my knees behind Ms. Tiffany's buttocks and began a silent prayer. No one noticed, except Mr. Andrews.

When he pulled out a wad of bills, all of $4, I declined to take his money. But, he bought me two Cokes, which I dubbed Cock-a-Colas. I am going have a really tough time convincing the judge I am not a nut, just a screwball.

Even in this great institution for the improvement of mental health, love and its close cousin, lust, do abound in all the wrong places. Ms. Ashby, mid-20's, cute caucasian, single mother of three, hair dyed red and blonde, a la Boy George/Cyndi Lauper, is totally smitten with T.J. , an equally cute, late teens, black boy with smudgenly nappy hair. She remarked she would take him home, if she only had a home. At which point, Mr. Anthony shot back, "Jail bait."

Throughout the whole five day ordeal, I wonder how anyone could put up with all the characters that must pass through the hallowed doors of this cuckoo's nest. Certainly, it's not the money. Oklahoma has been slowly dismantling its mental health system for years.

But, not one single staff member expressed a complete hatred of their job, the kind of hatred I've had with my own past jobs. Sure, they get the occasional bonehead who fights violently, kicks the doors, and keep everyone awake at 3 a.m, trash talking to the trash. They all seem to take their job seriously, grin and bear the rest. For that, I give virtual high fives to Ms. Tiffany, Mr. Anthony, T.J., Scott, Deanna, Stacey, and Richie. If I have left anyone else out, you looked like how I felt, crap, and I was too shy, too brain-dead, too uncaring, to really pry.

God, in all his infinite wisdom, hoisted me in this surreal nut house. I resent what my mother did. I resent the Judge who needs a better way to keep screwballs out of the nut house. I will leave today with great sadness in my soul and big, warm tears from my eyes, lost in the surreality of this space.

I was detained for five days, against my will, only by the whims of a mad woman, a misguided judge, the Sheriff's deputy, who all collectively caused mental illness, instead of improvement. The State must develop more stringent criteria to keep the mentally healthy out of the system and not cave into frivolous accusations. As I tried to read Mr. Anthony this missive at 3 a.m., I realized the staff really cared about the patients' well-being, even if it is against their will.

Mr. Andrews senses feelings I might have repressed in the deep crevices of my soul. He asks if I would stay longer. Thanks, but no. I will miss everyone all very dearly. Au revoir, Ciao, and G'day, mate.

Friend and The Jazz Singer

2005-11-20T11:56:00.000-06:00

L-R: Walt Kosty, Edward "Bruce" Guthrie. Living Arts Gala and Auction. 19 NOV 2005.

Visitor At The Branch Office...Howdy, Neighbor!

2005-11-20T11:53:00.000-06:00

Victor. 41st Street Panera. 20 NOV 2005.

Vistor at the TIG branch office: Dave Eagleston, international helicopter hotshot and guitarist. Howdy neighbor! C you in Peru!

UPDATE: 28 DEC 2005--Friends and Former Lovers
Ray Billingsly and Bonnie Maddux. David's mom and pop.

Attention: Jeff Martin

2005-11-20T11:52:00.000-06:00

ATTN: Cheapskate landlords
RE: Snow and Ice on your FUCKING property

27 TRO 1212. SNOW ON WALKS
It shall be an offense for any property owner or person in possession of any real
property to fail to clear or have cleared within twenty-four (24) hours after any snowfall, sleet or ice storm, the public sidewalks on the property. Snow, sleet or other elements of nature shall be cleared from the sidewalks and piled along the outer edge of the walks adjacent thereto or removed entirely; but in no event shall such pilings exceed two (2) feet in height.

SECTION 1214. PENALTY
Unless otherwise provided for in this chapter, any person violating any of the
provisions of this chapter shall be guilty of an offense and, upon conviction, shall be punished by a fine of not more than ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS ($100.00), excluding
costs, fees and assessments. Each day such violation is committed or permitted to
continue shall constitute a separate offense.

UPDATE: 30 JAN 2007-The Smoking Gun INDICTMENT against bike lanes and "ride right."

UPDATE: 23 JAN 2006--Eastbound 11th at the BA.
UPDATE: 23 JAN 2006--Northbound Denver at 1st.
UPDATE: 23 JAN 2006--4th and Cinncinati
UPDATE: 23 JAN 2006--Northbound Harvard at the BA.

UPDATE: 23 JAN 2006--Eastbound 41st at I-44. Rough surface adjacent. Money train.

UPDATE: 24 DEC 2005---E-mailed to the Mayor's Action Center:
Tulsa Indy Gazetter has put the City of Tulsa on notice of regular posting of parallel sewer grates which can cause serious injury to bicycle drivers on Attention: Jeff Martin. Please peruse the link on a regular basis to stay up to date on new parallel sewer grates which we encounter. Thank you.

UPDATE: 28 DEC 2005--From Philip Howery(phowery@ci.tulsa.ok.us):
I am aware that there are still some parallel sewer grates in use. We have made efforts to replace these with bicycle-safe grates in the areas of known bike trails. I am the responsible party that can take your complaints and issue workorders to replace any grates you feel are hazardous to you or your group. Please be aware that this is an ongoing process and an expensive one too but I will cooperate with you any way I can.

Feel free to contact me directly at 669-6119 or our dispatch at 669-6100 with locations of interest. Thanks for your help in this matter.

Philip Howery
Utility Systems Operations Manager
Underground Collection Systems Section
City of Tulsa, OK

off: (918) 669-6119
fax: (918) 669-6531
phowery@ci.tulsa.ok.us
__________________________________________________

Submit PSG pix to tulsaindygazetter (at) yahoo (dot) com. Please remember location info.

Blogger Note: 15 JAN 2006--Some of these roadway defects may have already been corrected. We've asked Mr. Howery to provide updates on the corrections. So far, we are able to provide updates on individual corrections only if we or someone happened upon the same defect, which doesn't always happen. In any case, City seems to be responding as fast as they can to beat Jeff. As far as we know today, the score is City and property owner: 2; Jeff: Zippo. Good job, guys.

UPDATE: 24 DEC 2005--Eastbound 1800 block 41st. Right lane.

11th and Lewis. Make a right turn at southwest corner. Better keep a good ear tuned to that scanner in your bedroom, Jeff. Boy howdy, this one is the money train.

12th and Denver. Northbound.

Another lawsuit in progress. Southwest Blvd. near Goodwill Industries. Both west and eastbound lanes. A whole crapload of them.

Parking lot access road between 41st Street Circuit City and Chase Bank. Burlingame Realty, 494-2634. ComProp Realty, 742-2174. UPDATE: 15 JAN 2006--Well, Jeff, you got robbed again on this one. Good job, Burlingame.

Westbound 6th Street at Norfolk.

Southbound left lane Peoria Ave. at 34th Street.

Eastbound lane. 1544 E 6th. Precedent case.

Money Train! Bottom of the hill. Westbound 18th at Boston. Somebody is gonna enjoy a really really good retirement, though they might be in traction for a while.
UPDATE: 14 JAN 2006--Well, Jeff, you got robbed of this money train. Good job, City.

Bad railroad crossing at eastbound 3rd and Norfolk.

We have no idea what this sign means. MAC, could you clue us in?

Northbound Memorial at 7th. A whole crapload of them in the area, both north and southbound Memorial.

These babies are on southbound Sheridan, from 12th to the B.A.

Obviously not a roadway defect. But, a money train, nonetheless. The fork thines have detached from the steering column. Reasor's Grocery Store, 41st and Yale. Another reason why you shouldn't bikelogize at the same place where you buy the milk and cheese.

Ceramic Corset Art

2005-11-20T11:48:00.000-06:00

Artist Nicole Moan.

Ernest Hemingway and Cheryl Crow

2005-11-20T11:45:00.000-06:00

L-R: David Weber(no relation to Bruce G.), Rhonda Mink. Living Arts Gala and Auction. 19 NOV 2005.

Garden Deva and Fan

2005-11-20T11:43:00.000-06:00

L-R: Lisa Regan, Coleen. Living Arts Gala and Auction. 19 NOV 2005.

Duct Tape Rulz

2005-11-20T11:40:00.000-06:00

Artist Gary Boyer. A house fire inspired Mr. Boyer to produce original art with duct tape, because it was the only item which survived. Living Arts Gala and Auction. 19 NOV 2005.

The Jazz Singer and The Proud Owner Of A Recently Broken Treo

2005-11-20T11:34:00.000-06:00

L-R: Edward "Bruce" Guthrie, Ray Pearcy, striking a Danny Glover-esque pose.

The Poetry Is In The Photograph

2005-11-20T11:32:00.000-06:00

Photographer Tom Payne and poet Nan Payne. Living Arts Gala and Auction. 19 NOV 2005.

Couples Distingués de la Soirée

2005-11-20T11:29:00.000-06:00

Mrs. Paula and Mr.Garrett Wood. Living Arts Gala and Auction. 19 NOV 2005.

Meet The Boomers

2005-11-20T11:27:00.000-06:00

L-R: Kyle and Angela Boomer. Living Arts Gala and Auction. 19 NOV 2005.

Uptown News

2005-11-20T11:24:00.000-06:00

Original early editions of Uptown News. Living Arts Gala and Auction. 19 NOV 2005.

Blogger Note: Amazing, museum quality relic of a long lost labor of love in print.

What Women Really Want

2005-11-20T11:16:00.000-06:00

L-R: Karen "Che" Guevera, Monica Zeta-Jones. Producers of the upcoming 30-something female docu-dramedy, What Women Really Want. Everything you've always wanted to know about successful, intelligent, well-travelled ladies and the bored, un-employable, trust fund slackers, who have no gay positions, political or otherwise, but, fall in love with them, nonetheless.

"Uproariously angst-ridden, in a funny, cute way. But, be sure to bring baby wipes." Uptown News.

Fan and Downtown Real Estate Mogul

2005-11-20T11:09:00.000-06:00

L-R: Terry, Jeff Bell. Living Arts Gala and Auction. 19 NOV 2005.

Blogger Note:Jeff should really meet Janice Nicklas. Both share quite the grand vision of stopping the drain of creative young professionals from Tulsa to the coasts. Make Tulsa Weird...anyone?

Yes, Jeff. We noticed the antenneas on the top of your head. Our apologies to your barber.

Have Baby, Will Travel

2005-11-20T11:03:00.000-06:00

Adam, Michelle, and baby. Se Habla. Living Arts Gala and Auction. 19 NOV 2005.

Patrones d'Art

2005-11-20T10:58:00.000-06:00

L-R: Gigi Bontemps, Denea Griffin.

Hostess With The Mostest

2005-11-20T10:56:00.000-06:00

Jenan El-Bakoush. Living Arts Gala and Auction. 19 NOV 2005.

Democrat For Tulsa Mayor

2005-11-20T10:52:00.000-06:00

L-R: Mrs. Don McCorkell and Don. Living Arts Gala and Auction. 19 NOV 2005.

Rainmaker And Fan

2005-11-20T10:38:00.000-06:00

L-R: Janice Nicklas, AIDS Coalition of Tulsa. Dr. Harry Allison. Living Arts Gala and Auction. 19 NOV 2005.

Audio Interview.

Last Barkeeps Before Sunrise

2005-11-20T10:31:00.000-06:00

L-R: Saundra Klein, Terry Klein, and Lynn Deal. Living Arts Gala and Silent Auction. 19 November 2005. Cheers.

Attention: Recycle Michael

2005-11-20T10:28:00.000-06:00

A neato inspiration to recycle broken kitchen appliances. Artist: Ken Kerna. Osterizer Lamp. Living Arts Gallery.

More Trouble In Paradise

2005-11-20T10:25:00.000-06:00

Water main break somewhere in District 9, Tulsa. We forgot the location. Ratz. Someone ain't gonna get a hot shower tonight.

Trouble In Paradise

2005-11-20T10:22:00.000-06:00

To our readers of the gay ilk, marriage really ain't all that.

On The Road Again...Makin' Music With My Friends

2005-11-20T10:16:00.001-06:00

A little bit of non-violent direct action civil disobedience. Brookside. Friday night.

Tulsa Revised Ordinance Chapter 12
SECTION 1205. SHOWS OR EXHIBITIONS
It shall be an offense for any person to use or cause to be used any portion of any sidewalk, street or alley for the maintaining or holding of any exhibition, entertainment, musical or dancing show for any purpose whatsoever.

My goodness. Does anyone believe in the First Amendment anymore?
Tulsa Indy Gazetter: Committed to showcasing artists bent on making Tulsa weird, one civil disobedience at a time.

The Workin' Man's Neiman Marcus

2005-11-20T10:16:00.000-06:00

Son, How Big A Boy Are Ya?

2005-11-20T10:12:00.000-06:00

Man behaving very badly.

And, in this corner. Two grown men about to behave badly. Very badly. Near the Homeland. Highway 97 and West 41st. Sand Springs. The reporter shot this on the fly. Didn't want to become part of the story. Journalistic objectivity, didn't-really-want-to-detour-to-the-pokey, and all that.

Tag This Bridge

2005-11-20T10:05:00.000-06:00

Submit your ideas to turn this ugly bridge into a work of art. tulsaindygazetter(at)yahoo(dot)com. We will pick a random winner and somehow, turn your idea into reality.

Johnny's got a new school....na na ni na na!

2005-11-20T10:03:00.000-06:00

Eugene Fields Elementary.

Friends In High Places

2005-11-19T15:54:00.000-06:00

On review of the case of a bicyclist, Paul Clark, killed in a collision with a motorist, Alemeda County, CA District Attorney Jon Goodfellow will pursue felony manslaughter charges against the motorist, Brian Eugene Evitt.

Alemeda County DA Goodfellow assumed the caseload of Marty Brown, who originally filed the manslaughter charge as a misdemeanor. Goodfellow is an avid triathlete and regularly trains on the same road where Paul Clark died.

Mr. Clark's brother, Blair Clark, is the senior vice president of marketing and sales at Smith Optics.

Red Fork Native American Film Festival: Beyond Teepees

2005-11-18T11:34:00.000-06:00

It began on a long cold lonely night. Cut! Wrong cue, jackass.

"We are the only people who need a card to prove who we are." A loss of identity. The passing of an ancient tongue. The respect of elders. These were the themes packed into 14 short minutes of award-winning, Sundance-visited, Oklahoma-lensed Goodnight Irene, kicking off the little-publicized Red Fork Native American Film Festival.

In its eighth season, Red Fork establishes Oklahoma as ground zero for powerful fodder to feed a new generation of Native filmmakers. In Goodnight Irene, three generations cross paths at a health clinic. Irene is a Ruth Gordon-esque elder, with a wicked sense of humor, usually dispensed at the expense of the younger generations who no longer speak their native language. Guy Number 1 is in his 40's, with a nail through his hand. He's able to make out bits and piece of the ancient tongue, but, it usually gets him in trouble. Guy Number 2 is younger, lady's man, knockout, brash good-looking type. Unwittingly, he becomes the butt of Irene's language prank.

As the second feature of the night, Headrights gives the uninitiated viewers a raw, brutal look at the downside of Natives who owned "headrights" to large land tracts full of oil during the Roaring Twenties in Oklahoma. FBI investigates murders on Osage territory. Greed. Betrayal. And, finally assimilation highlight Native filmmaking.

To end the evening, larger-than-life Native actor Will Simpson comes to life on the wide-screen to reprise of the role of Chief Bromden, in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. It was the mainstream movie Native regards as the defining work that for the first time in cinematic history when the Native man releases himself from his internal demons and break through the external oppression. Unforgettably spontaneous.

Red Fork continues Friday night at 7:15 p.m. and Saturday afternoon, 3 p.m., at the TCC West Student Union, 7505 W. 41st. Admission is what you think the experience is worth. Bus your own mess, please.

Submit for the '06 season:
Red Fork Film Festival
Creek Nation Communications
1008 East Eufala St.
Okmulgee, OK 74447
Director: Gerald Wofford
Phone: 918-732-7634
gwofford@muscogeenation.nsn.gov
Deadline: August

Congratulations, Ralph Gragg!

2005-11-18T10:25:00.000-06:00

City of Tulsa employee, Ralph Gragg, is looking forward to some much deserved rest and relaxation. Wooooohoooo, ya made it! Tag Ralph while wearing the TIG garb. Send us the pix. Random winner gets a super surprise visit from Santa. Yay!

ADA Non-Compliance

2005-11-18T09:48:00.000-06:00

Wheelchair-bound transit passengers are unable to cross the center median to get to the bus stop across the street. Facing south at 40th and Yale.

Reply from: "Mayor's Action Center" Mac@ci.tulsa.ok.us

All crossing of the streets are supposed to be done at corners and not in the middle of the street.

Reply to MAC:

It is inconvenient, not to even say energy consuming, for a wheelchair bound person to detour to the corner. Has anyone in the MAC used a wheelchair for even a day?

A Flaw Policy Wrapped In Illusion

2005-11-17T15:25:00.000-06:00

Former Marine intelligence officer and top Democrat on the House Appropriations defense subcommittee, Rep. John Murtha, D-PA, called for the complete withdrawal of US troops from Iraq within six months.

Endorsement For Bill LaFortune

2005-11-17T09:12:00.000-06:00

Tag Bill while wearing the TIG garb. We'll post your pix.

Tulsa Indy Gazetter is the first blog to officially endorse Bill LaFortune for Mayor of Tulsa. We don't know why he should be re-elected, except for the fact that we want to scoop the other blogs in predicting the winner.

It would be nice to be the knee for a change, instead of the crotch. Geronimo, instead of Custer. Ben Cartwright, instead of Hop Sing.

So, we need help. Please, our kind and generous readers, send us your favorite reason why Bill LaFortune should be re-elected. "He's my boss" don't count.

MichaelDelGiornoSucks.com

2005-11-16T17:31:00.000-06:00

My name is Grant Tucker. I have a beautiful wife, four kids (18 month old twins, and a preteen boy and girl), a big dog, and a shotgun. In August 2004 I created a little web site called MichaelDelGiornoSucks.com.

My motivation stemmed from a few name calling incidents on the air. I have since learned that name calling rules the day at KFAQ. MD took that and ran with it as you might imagine. Gwen referred to me as scumbag. MD called me a homosexual and someone no one would want to have lunch with. He also created his conspiracy theory about all the different organizations that might be behind it. No need to recount them here. Actually it probably would be easier to list those he did not think was behind it.

If you want to know any more than that, you will have to have me over for dinner or write my biography.

Blogger Note: Never mess with scumbag homosexuals.

Everybody Loves A Parade!

2005-11-16T17:21:00.000-06:00

Kiwanis Holiday Parade

Posted on Tulsa Today

Monday, 14 November 2005

FOX23 and the United States Marines would like to encourage everyone to join us at the Kiwanis Holiday Parade on Main Street Jenks, Saturday November 19, 2005 at 10:00 a.m.

Help Wanted: No Experience Required

2005-11-16T17:19:00.000-06:00

By David Arnett, Founder, Tulsa Today

Friday, 21 October 2005

Tulsa Today is hiring writers. No experience is necessary, but all life experience is valued. We are looking for people of all ages with the ability to think, observe, interact, and report throughout the greater Northeastern Oklahoma region. At entry level, writers are paid per story published. From the most productive of these writers, one will be selected within the next six months for full-time employment as managing editor of this news service.

Chief's Note: With all due respect to the honorably esteemed Mr. Arnett, no one associated with Tulsa Indy Gazetter will be allowed to apply. If I catch you doing the Benedict Arnold, you will be duly tarred, feathered, and outted as a scumbag homosexual. I pay you enough in cheese whiz as it is. Ferchristsakes.

PeaceMobile

2005-11-16T11:14:00.000-06:00

Stupid Tulsa Ordinances

2005-11-16T11:00:00.000-06:00

In a yTulsa post by Gary Hizer of the Urban Tulsa Weekly, a call was put forth to concerned citizens and local musicians to challenge Tulsa Revised Ordinance Title 27 Section 1205, prohibiting street performances. In the post, Mr. Hizer stopped short of calling for an event some might construe to be direct action civil disobedience. Another words, a total lack of respect for the rule of law. The kind practiced weekly by a bunch of hippy peacniks on the corner of 41st and Yale.

Which got some huge fans of UTW and humble assistants at-large of Mr. Hizer wondering: Are there any other stupid Tulsa ordinances in effect? Has anyone been charged, arrested, or ticketed for them? What was the outcome?

So, folks. Post your favorite stupid Tulsa ordinance. We will attempt to find out who has been in the pokey for such heinous crimes as spitting on the sidewalk, panhandling, and other miscellania only the inquiring minds of overgrown trust fund slackers, the bored, and the unemployed would want to know.

TIG Matron d'Art

2005-11-16T10:38:00.000-06:00

We are not quite sure what Matron d'Art does. But, it's better than being called The Censor. Yes, you keep TIG work-, school-friendly. We are not being vulgar, just creative. Promise, ma'am.

TIG World Headquarters

2005-11-16T10:35:00.000-06:00

OSU-Tulsa.

TIG Chief Prognosticator of Progress Hard At Work

2005-11-16T10:26:00.000-06:00

Chief POP doing what he does best, prognosticate. Way ta go, Chief! We love ya, now where's my money?

Tulsa TV News: The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

2005-11-15T13:26:00.000-06:00

Former 2WorksForYou Meteorologist Jeff Lazalier and still devoted fan. Shawkat's Deli. Say hi to still devoted fan while wearing the TIG garb. We'll post your pic.

Tulsa TV news is the last bastion of mainstream media untarnished, unchallenged by diversity of voices and points of views. The paucity of diverse local programming screams for in-depth examination. In a previous post, TIG reported on community access TV.

Nightly on 2, 6, 8, and Faux, oops Fox, talking heads serve viewers the shooting d'jour, rape d'jour, and robbery d'jour. To be sure, incident cycles come and go. But, the prevailing diet on local TV news does not offer investigative journalism of old. Instead, bloggers seem to fill that void.

Tulsa Indy Gazetter recently sat down with former TV meteorologist on Channel 2, Jeff Lazalier. Jeff has been away from the TV studios for three years. During his 23 years, thunderstorms and tornados were his co-stars. Then, suddenly, without warning, he was fired, persona non grata, like most other TV talent, put on the meat hook of ratings, the fickle whims of viewers, from day one.

These days, thunderstorms no longer bring him back to the studio. He's busy enjoying life, work, and family. For fun, he is teaching a meteorology 101 class at the Downtown TCC. While he spoke, TIG detected some longing for on-camera work. Indeed, he appeared as an extra on a locally produced short film, "Diner." And he will do on-camera work for his clients related to Premier.

Before the tape rolled, Jeff cautioned he won't be able to speak in detail about his current work for Premier Advisors Group. Securities and Exchange Commission rules and all that. No problem. TIG wants the good, the bad, and the ugly of the Tulsa TV news business.

Audio interview.

Montana State Senator Speaks For Critical Mass Civil Rights

2005-11-15T11:06:00.000-06:00

by Senator Jim Elliott

FREDOM TO BE, FREEDOM TO RIDE

As a rule, authority distrusts innovation and spontaneity, which to my mind pretty much embodies today’s cycling movement. I was reminded of this a couple of weeks ago when I watched “Still We Ride”—a documentary on the mass Critical Mass arrests in New York City during the 2004 Republican National Convention, and the subsequent harassment of cyclists and confiscation of unattended bikes.

It angered me to see a group of people targeted for legalized harassment for doing nothing more than enjoying their civil liberties.

Let me first make something clear; I am not a cyclist, nor do I intend to become one. In fact, in rural Montana, where I live, I tend to be more annoyed by cyclists who choose to tour our extremely scenic and narrow highways than sympathetic. That’s why I was prepared to cast a jaundiced eye on the plight of the people in “Still We Ride”.

The reason I was moved to side with them was not because I felt that their particular activity was being singled out by the authorities for special and unwarranted treatment, but because I have seen this kind of overreaction on the part of the police and civil authorities for decades, and enjoyed some personal experiences of my own that have left an indelible mark.

Be it the Civil Rights movement in the 1950s, the anti Vietnam War protests of the 1960s and 1970s, or going even further back in American history to the labor movement in the 1880s, people have had the crap kicked out of them for standing up for their belief that their opinion is entitled to respect.

Just so, those people who participate in Critical Mass, whether or not I agree with them (or whether or not anybody agrees with them) are being singled out and punished by the authorities for having a different lifestyle, expressing their beliefs—hell—just exercising their freedom.

Those who are not directly on the receiving end of the butt kicking probably don’t pay much attention. Maybe, even though you are a cyclist, you don’t either. Too bad, because the likelihood is that, in one way or another, your turn will come. In fact, in light of the United States’ government’s drive to save our freedom by destroying it, it may already be your turn; you just haven’t felt it yet.

So I am writing this article to pass along some thoughts that are important to me. First, freedom is not free; it is never given, it is always won by struggle. Even the most seemingly absurd, everyday things were fought for. Thousands of laborers died to secure things that today we take for granted—the weekend and the eight hour day; many thousands of Blacks were killed for merely trying to have a say in their own destiny. It’s a long, long list, and there is little that we take for granted today that is not on it.

The second point is that all people are engaged in the same struggle to win or maintain some sort of individual freedom, but they manifest it in different ways. It is our obligation, as their neighbors in spirit, to respect their desires and to see that they are not persecuted because they use legal but, to the authorities, intimidating means to achieve them.

We don’t have to join them in their struggle—we may not even feel they are right—but we must be always vigilant in protecting their right to express themselves without being harassed or brutalized by governmental authorities. Because, my friends, we need them to be there for us too.

I don’t feel any different about cyclists that I did before I saw “Still We Ride”. I’m not going to have warm fuzzies when after I round a curve I have to go into the ditch as an alternative to head ending a semi or killing a trio of cyclists riding abreast (yeah, it happened), but I am going to stand up for anyone who is given a hard time for what they do or what they stand for, and if those guys happen to be cyclists, I’ll be there for them both as a neighbor and as a Montana state senator.

Montana State Senator Jim Elliott (D) writes a biweekly column called Montana Viewpoint that is distributed to newspapers throughout the state. He sponsored SJ Resolution 19, the most strongly worded criticism of the Federal Patriot Act in the nation. It was supported by both Democrats and Republicans and passed both houses of the legislature by an overwhelmingly margin. Senator Elliott is also suing the Montana Department of Revenue for release of corporate income tax records to investigate the extent of corporate tax fraud in Montana.

The above article was originally written for C.I.C.L.E. Cyclist Inciting Change thru Live Exchange.

Dave's Top 10 Reasons Why Americans Won't Use Bicycles

2005-11-15T09:49:00.000-06:00

10. There are too many wild and crazy car drivers who hog the road.

9. It's difficult to have sex or get a great ya know without the whole world watching.

8. It's easy for the cop to see you toking a joint.

7. You might become the 40 year-old virgin.

6. The police, the public, and criminal (in)justice system all think you are impeding traffic.

5. You get a really nasty looking black stripe on your back every time it rains.

4. The necktie flapping in the wind makes you look like the gay version of the Great Waldo Pepper.

3. Riding a tandem alone en route to pick up your date makes you look like a pretty pathetic version of the 40-year-old-virgin.

2. The fat ass crushes the saddle so much you can feel the seat post.

1. Cheap gas.

The Mayor's Sex Life And His Religious Beliefs

2005-11-14T22:13:00.000-06:00

Both should be private. 'Nuff said.

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances."

How To Invade The World Without Really Dying

2005-11-14T21:08:00.000-06:00

W has talked about invading Iran. We've already attacked one OPEC nation, Iraq. It would not be beyond any stretch of the imagination to suggest invading the rest of OPEC, such as Saudi Arabia, under the guise of fighting terrorists. Remember, all the 9/11 terrorists were Saudi nationals.

Where do we get the warm bodies to feed the meat grinder? Outsource combat operations. Everyday, thousands of people risk their lives crossing the border to fulfill their glorious American dream. They don't know that the Americans already here have lost faith in free speech, honest cops, cheap gas, and 36 month car payments at 6 percent.

Instead of turning away these brave, but naive, potential Americans, the Army might offer cold horchata, hot tamales, and sign-up sheets along the Rio Grande. Sign right here on the dotted line for two tours on the Middle Eastern front, and if you survive, you get American citizenship. Woooohooo!

Why waste precious resources to fulfill the impossibility of closed borders? Instead of the Caseys, it will be the Carlos doing the killing and the dying. THAT's the real American dream! Bienvenido a América, Carlo.

Pride In Her Work

2005-11-14T20:08:00.000-06:00

Locate and pose with this prideful Panera worker, while wearing the TIG garb. Send in the pix by 23 December 2005. Random winner gets a visit from Santa. Kewl.

Reparate or Secede!

2005-11-14T19:07:00.000-06:00

On this very slow news day, when even Channel 6 is reduced to doing a long piece about a granny who sews clothes for premee babies, we here at TIG are reduced to sitting around the bar prognosticating. Today, we prognosticate about the implications of Tulsans For Better Government plan for restructuring district representation.

Opponents, Tulsans Defending Democracy, claim the restructuring plans by Chip McElroy et al in District 9 would dilute "minority and neighborhood representation." TDD claims the at-large Council posts are elitist hands at work to make Tulsa reflect the interests of the residents of one district, District 9.

But, TDD offers no alternative to fix what ails City Council, except hire better help for City Council. We here at TIG submit that it's not the people. It's the system, stupid.

The system is engineered to fail in a logjam of parochial interests causing innovation and the tax base to move to the suburbs. City Council is structured to eat itself alive.

Tulsans For Better Government has attempted to make progress. It is a plan to balkanize Tulsa, but at least they are trying. TIG has a better mousetrap: Secession.

TDD talks about minority representation as if it's some holy grail, actually unattainable by the real minorities of Tulsa. North Tulsa has never received any real attention from City Hall, except during Mayoral elections. Every Tulsa Mayor from the dawn of the City's first days has reneged on campaign promises made to North Tulsans.

Is it any wonder why North Tulsa always vote by not showing up at the polls? Every Democratic candidate wishfully counts on North Tulsa Democrats to edge them to victory, like a pie in the sky. And, North Tulsa always disappoints, simply because everyone knows South Tulsa Democrat elites always give lip service.

The two failed Doug Dodd campaigns illustrated this reality like a black and white John Wayne movie killing the commies. Contrary to what's on the voter registration cards, North Tulsa is actually a heavy Republican enclave. They vote Republican by not showing up.

North Tulsans are like the Iraqis. They wallow in the heavy baggage of historical oppression. They've given up the notion of determining their own destiny.

Every City Council meeting is invaribly interrupted by the very loud musings of the Alexanders. James and his wife come to Council meetings, yell and scream about the terrible sewer systems backing up into their neighborhoods. They yell and scream, but, nothing ever really happens. The Councilors sit up high and mighty, listening stone-faced, waiting for the Alexanders to finally shut up and sit down, and they go back to the status quo of the day.

Well, Mr. Alexander, the elite intelligencia of Tulsans for Better Government has handed you the perfect opportunity. You, Mr. Alexander, now have some real talking points to determine the destiny of your sewers. You, Mr. Alexander, now have a very real chance to be a mayor.

TIG looks back in history when Black Wall Street prospered with it's own transit system, groceries, and the best jazz in the world. For the sure pleasure of community, Greenwood was an institution that trumped any retail district Tulsa now has. Then, Tulsa Police and the State National Guard helped rioters reduced Greenwood to large swaths of vacant fields. We walk around Vernon AME and hear whispers of the sweet jazz, the bustling of Pine and Archer, in the zephyr.

Mr. Alexander, TIG urges you to respond. If the rest of Tulsa won't reparate North Tulsa for the sins of 31 May 1921 and plans to further marginalize North Tulsans, North Tulsa has every right to sit down in front of the bus and say, "I am mad as hell, and I am not gonna take it anymore."

Mr. Alexander, TIG urge you and North Tulsa, north of the railroad tracks, Tulsa's 38th Parallel, find the grave of Jefferson Davis, dig up the good earth, open up that fancy casket, steal that flag of oppression, and give it a whole new meaning: The City of Liberty Tulsa.

Mr. Alexander, your time is here. Segregation was actually the killer app of the success of Greenwood. Secession will be the same. Rebuild Black Wall Street on your own terms. North Tulsa doesn't have to sit in the back of the bus anymore.

Now For Something Completely Different....Oh My Gaaawd.

2005-11-14T12:31:00.000-06:00

TIG offers the video for informational purposes only.

World Championship Sports Network

2005-11-12T13:18:00.000-06:00

In a previous post, TIG proposed Tulsa and the Arena become ground zero for sumo wrestling in America. World Championship Sports Network is a cable channel that could support that dream.

Instead of the usual diet of pedestrian sports not fit for the elite intelligencia of Tulsa, WCSN offers a wide variety of global sports. A deal has been inked to cover world-class bicycle racing for American audiences. Can sumo possibly be much further behind?

Come on, Chip and the rest of the crew at Tulsans For Better Government. The folks you do business with in the 21st Century don't do minor-league football or tractor pulls. Let's get with it! SUMO SUMO SUMO!!!

Holler To The Hood

2005-11-12T12:52:00.000-06:00

Holler To The Hood is a grassroots community radio effort to transmit messages of hope, compassion, and maybe even poetry to inmates held in America's prisons.

In additions to the usual murderers, rapists, and sex offenders, many Americans are prisoners of conscience held in America's gulags. There are the two nuns who trespassed onto a nuclear weapons facility. There are various prisoners who are innocent of their crimes and had to settle for Cheapo Depot justice. Criminals who have committed crimes similar to Rosa Parks, Fred Korematsu, and Martin Luther King still lurk inside Gitmos spread around the country.

There are currently no Oklahoma radio stations carrying the families messages to the prisoners.

A Shameless Plug: Brian Biggs Blog

2005-11-12T12:34:00.000-06:00

Brian Biggs is looking for someone to do an anti-Tulsa Beacon blog. TIG would really love to, but, we are kinda short-handed chasing down other strange Tulsa occurances. Besides, TIG has too much respect for Mr. Charles et al to stoop to such low levels.

Another strange Tulsa "situation" of minor note. A silly Santa seen riding a bicycle at the Veteran's Parade yesterday. Santa wore a sign on his back, "SANTA FOR MAYOR." We believe it was a last-minute Bill LaFortune stunt as Santa was seen shaking Bill's hands at the reviewing stand. And, no one, not even the police, moved to stop the silly Santa as he got all the kids screaming and high-fiving.

There's already a Hatesline.com. Somewhere around here is Mike Digiorno Sucks Dot Com. Got the link?

Has anyone met "George" yet at the Tulsa Little Theater?

Please do contribute any Tulsa minutea to danchangtulsa AT yahoo.

Editorial Cartoons To You

2005-11-12T12:29:00.000-06:00

TIG features a new link, Editorial Cartoons, for our kind and generous readers. Please persue the link on the right at your leisure.

Desperately Seeking David Simpson

2005-11-12T11:32:00.000-06:00

In one of the few times we happened to pick up the Whirled while multi-tasking at a wi-fi hotspot's bathroom with a laptop and toilet paper, we noticed editiorial cartoonist David Simpson has been fired for alleged plagarism.

It is the Whirled's loss. No doubt many other media outlets, including Tulsa Indy Gazetter, would love to be the exclusive home Mr. Simpson's work. Mrs. Simpson is quite the kind lady we once bumped into at Fedex-Kinko. We hope our wishes will be indulged.

And, In This Corner

2005-11-10T14:20:00.000-06:00

Just when we thought the Tulsans For Better Government cabal was poised to steamroll over the rest of Tulsa from their perch piled high with $$$, along comes Tulsans Defending Democracy. Sweet. Interesting name. TIG staff wonders about the rest of Tulsans Defending Communism.

The TDD insurgency held a news conference this morning. Shrouded in mucho mumbo jumbo politico speak, they vowed to defend democracy, fight for fair representation, and stop the ill-conceived plans of a few elitists bent on domination. It was difficult to discern their alternative plan to improve what is obviously a broken City Council destined to eat itself alive.

Be that as it may, the proponents of democracy in Tulsa seems to have quite a formidable group of grassroots political practitioners on their side. Yes, we really love the news business. It is like opera to the very core of our soul!

Half-Rice, Half Cracker Politico Jab

2005-11-10T13:25:00.000-06:00

Originally posted by Mitch on OK Yellow Dog.

Cute. Very Cute. Lose the graphic. Punch up the copy. Who Needs Paul Tay When We Have Bill Lafortune?

TIG needs a recent picture of Paul Tay. Locate him somewhere in Tulsa this election season. Pose with him while wearing the T-Shirt. Send in your pix by April Fools' Day 2006. TIG will donate 50 bucks to the charitable organization of the random winner's choice. All submissions become the property of TIG.